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The Professional's Guide to Writing Blog Comments

    Blog post comments are important. They're a fairly significant portion of our grade, and as such we write approximately one every week. With these stakes, you don't want to mess it up. As such, I, the alpha-level intellectual who is never wrong and is happily willing to inform the inferior mortals of my mystical techniques, will now inform the inferior mortals of my mystical techniques. 

    Now, here's an important thing to remember: Reading the blog post is not necessary to comment. It's really a waste of time that you could spend playing video games or something. Instead, read the title. Next, consider the following question:

Have I read this book?

    This is very important to know, as it will dictate how the rest of your comment will go. Speaking of the rest of your comment, let's talk about the rest of your comment.

(That was a smooth segue, wasn't it?)

    The first sentence of your comment will usually either a) agree with the blog post, or b) compliment the blog post. If you're brave and/or controversial, you could try including both, but this is generally a bad idea because you need to pad out your comment.  This first sentence usually also ends in an exclamation point, so that you seem enthusiastic about and interested in the blog post. 

    Your next few sentences are very important, as it's there to prove that you've actually read the blog post (hint: you can fake this). These sentences will generally contain either a wacky anecdote about the book, pull out and agree with a certain clause in the blog post, or mention something that you liked about the book (this third option is only available for people who have read the book. Refer back to the big question if you're unsure if you can use it). These sentences should end in periods, so that you don't seem psychotic or hopped up on enough caffeine to give three hippopotami heart attacks. 

    Your final sentence is very similar to your first sentence. Simply agree or compliment the blog post. If you're unsure of which option to choose, just pick the one that you didn't use in your first sentence. That way, you don't seem like you're struggling to think of ideas for your comment at 11:34 P.M. on a Saturday night, even though evaluation was on Friday. It should also be ended with an exclamation point, so that you can end on a good note and sound fun!

But I'm unique!

    You cry, terrified by the prospect of being just another link in the chain. Well, that's too bad. Recall that everything I say is always correct, and that not acting by my word is tier-four blasphemy. Just do everything that I do and you'll be fine. 

-Marco

Comments

  1. What an amazing blog post! I love the way you structured your post in such a neat and orderly way. You have also suggested such a wonderful technique that I plan on carrying it out for the rest of my commenting days!

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  2. This was an entertaining blog post! I think it's pretty accurate with how I comment, and now I feel very aware of it as I comment on your post. I like how you structured the post and made it easy to read, but your voice is also very prevalent in the writing. You picked an interesting topic, good job!

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  3. I loved your post! It was very funny and enjoyable to read. I found it pretty relatable, and I will probably use many of the methods you mentioned when I am writing blog comments in the future. Great job!

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  4. I think that this post was amazing and totally agree with all your points. I think that the methods for writing a good comment are very reasonable, and applicable to all of the blog comments that I plan on writing. Awesome post!

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  5. You are very intelligent and good at writing instructive articles exalted Marco. I shall dutifully refer to this article whenever I am writing blog comments and not commit blasphemy. I think that your points are beyond amazing and well thought out. Thank you for your amazing teaching to all of us inferior mortals. (/s)
    P.S. Did i do it right?

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  6. Ah yes, I agree and enjoyed your blog Marco! I really like the part about fake reading the blogs (see, I read your blog), speaking about how people wanted to unique and go against you was also very interesting (I would never commit blasphemy). Again, I 100% agree with you and thank you for showing me the true way!

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  7. Precisely the chain I expected. Good work, everyone.

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  8. I really enjoyed reading your post! (What was the next thing after the compliment? *Rereads the post* Ah yes, proving that you've actually read the post.) I agree with the part where you said to you could fake reading the blog (you should compliment me for reading it). Your blog post was entertaining, nice job.

    P.S. Oops forgot to put an exclamation mark!

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  9. This was a great post! I liked how it was written step by step. I agree that everything you mentioned is very important!

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  10. I read this book before and I agree, its an amazing read! This is a really well written blog post and you accurately describe what it's like to write comments. ! ! ! !

    But yeah I find reading blog comments kind of funny because they follow the same sort of structure. Nice post. !

    ReplyDelete

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